Blog Post: 8 Red Flags in Dating and Relationships

Red flags have become absolute deal breakers when it comes to dating and relationships. Although everyone has their own unique criteria of what they will and will not put up with, here are list of red flags that seem to be the most common.

1) Takes Hours or Days To Text You Back

This has to be the most trending red flag sparking up so much anger for those of you who are ready for a committed relationship. I can't even tell you how many times I've had someone tell me that they've been talking to someone for a few weeks or a few months, and then the communication just fell flat. All of a sudden you don't hear back for several hours or even several days. I find this to be a huge red flag. If someone really wanted to talk to you, they wouldn't take so long to text you back. I get it, people have busy lives, but no one is ever that busy. Unless the person is dead and buried six feet underground, there's really no excuse.. It only takes a few seconds to send a text message, even if it's just to say "sorry, I have to text you back later".

Also, I think purposely not texting someone back right away just so you don't seem too desperate, needs to come to an end. You don't have to wait 15-20 minutes to just to say "hey" back. If you're one of these people, know that it's okay to respond right when you see a message. Try not to get in your own head, just do what feels natural to you.

2) Constant Excuses of Why They Can't Meet Up

Have you ever watched the show on MTV called Catfish? Well if you have, notice how all of the people being catfished made plans to meet up with their so-called "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", but there was always an excuse of why they couldn't meet in person. If you're talking to someone that you've met online or never physically seen before, be careful with this. You could be talking to someone that's not even real. If you know the person actually exists but they're consistently flaking on you, you may want to ask them to consider whether their priorities involve getting to know you. If not, I would move on to someone who actually seems to care.

3) Only Asks for Your Social Media, But Not Your Number

This may not be a red flag to some of you, but for me it definitely is. This ties in closely to my blog post "Can I Get Your Snapchat?" This seems to be more of a question that men ask, but I could be wrong. Personally, I noticed that when someone automatically asks you for your social media but not your number, they are quick to make assumptions about you based on your social media. They can look at the amount of followers you have, the types of photos you post, and even the people that you're following. Based on these assumptions, the person may determine whether or not they would want to get to know you even further. If someone asks you for your instagram, snapchat, TikTok, etc. in the future, I would hold off until you know that person a little better. Give them your number instead, just say that you'd rather talk to them via text because you don't use social media very much. Whatever you do, just make up any excuse you can. Communicating via social media isn't very consistent and can even become annoying. Giving out your number might allow you both to get to know each other a little better and might keep the consistency of the communication going if you're both interested.

4) They Avoid Wanting to Meet Your Friends

Meeting your partner's friends for the first time can be really scary, but it's not as scary as meeting the parents. If the person you're dating constantly avoids wanting to meet your friends, your red flag radar should be going off, especially if there have been multiple opportunities for them to meet. I personally believe that the relationship isn't being taken seriously if your partner avoids wanting to meet people who are close to you. By avoiding these interactions, the person you're interested in is basically telling you that they're not fully invested as much as you may think. If it's only been a few weeks or months and they're not ready to meet anyone yet, then that's understandable. But if more time goes by, your friends will start to question whether this guy or girl is serious about you, and you should question that too.

5) Talks About Their Ex Too Much

The problem with someone talking about their ex too much is that they probably aren't over them yet. If you notice conversations where you feel like you're being compared to their ex, that's because you probably are. This is a silly example, but if you were to tell your partner that you make pancakes with chocolate chips and your partner says their ex used to always make pancakes with blueberries, they could be reminiscing on how much they actually miss eating pancakes with blueberries...or worse, they might miss their ex! It sounds childish, but this happens all the time. Little comparisons here and there like the pancake example could lead to even bigger comparisons that will raise serious concerns in the future.

6) Falls in Love too fast

Falling in love too fast can lead to heartbreak and chaos. There's nothing wrong with getting feelings for someone early on in the relationship but be careful with using the words "love" or "falling in love" too early. This can scare people off. Usually people that fall in love fast become attached very quickly. In worse cases, they don't know what it's like to be alone which doesn't allow them to realize their own identity outside of a relationship. If the person you're dating is in love with you three weeks into the relationship, I would remain cautious, especially if the feeling isn't mutual. I would address this early to avoid leading someone on. They might believe that you're in love with them too and the longer that continues, the more likely they'll feel betrayed or hurt if you don't speak up right away and address how you really feel.

7) Jealousy Overload

Everyone has a little bit of jealousy in them, but when does it become unhealthy? If your partner is monitoring every interaction you have with the opposite sex, this can easily become a red flag. When you're dating someone, it's easier to break away from them once you recognize that their jealousy is going to be a problem in the future. But people who are already in a relationship might have a harder time breaking things off. There could be several reasons why your partner is labeled as the jealous type, A) They've been cheated on or lied to in a previous relationship, B) You cheated or lied to them in the past or C) They're insecure. Whatever the reason may be, there can become a point where jealousy becomes too extreme. If jealousy is heavily impacting your relationship, you and your partner need to have serious conversations about how to move forward. Unfortunately, jealousy is a huge reason why couples break up. Not many people are willing to deal with it, especially because the situation can become dangerous if you're dealing with someone who takes jealousy to the next level.

8) All Talk, No Action

It's easy for someone to say they're going to do something, but never actually do it. This is the one thing women actually hate; when a man is all talk, but no action. Men might feel that if they say they are going to do something, it brings peace of mind to their partner so they don't keep getting questioned about it. But this actually brings the opposite effect. I'll give you an example. If a man tells their girlfriend that they plan on proposing to them soon, this only builds up the anticipation of a proposal fast approaching. Also, the word "soon" can mean different things in this scenario. For a man, soon can be a year from now, but a woman may think it's a month from now. This happens very often, especially in relationships. I would advise men to not give off the impression that something serious and exciting is about to happen when it's really not. The best thing to do, is to just do it. Men are taken more seriously when their actions speak louder than words. Ladies, if you're dealing with a man who's all talk but no action keep an eye on this very closely. I'm not saying to break things off right away, but you may want to keep tabs on this so you can identify whether this is a potential red flag that needs more attention.

-Autumn C.